Dumb Things Résumés Say

I'm thinking I have a few of these on paper somewhere, some that I saw many a year ago (before Al Gore invented the Internet). In the meantime, here are a few to tide you over.

Résumés are one place where we certainly put our best foot ~~in our mouth.~~ forward. These are some classic bloopers from actual résumés and cover letters:

Dear Sir or Madman, . . .
Following is a grief overview of my skills.
Hope to hear from you, shorty.
I am a rabid typist.
I have a keen eye for derail.
I'm attacking my résumé for you to review.
My work ethics are impeachable.

The Russler
TheRussler@aol.com
800-555-1212
OBJECTIVE
	Seeking employment in the building of the Word Wild Web and thereby taking over the world.
EDUCATION
	Listening carefully for, and painstakingly recording, dumb things people say.
EXPERIENCE
	Linking thoughts, ideas, and trivial facts in groups of three and presenting them in lien à trois format.
PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS
	Member of many musical ensembles, including BenJammin', Stacy's Trio, Our Glass, Ed's Jazz Ensemble, and Elmwood Court.