Quotes From Alfred E. Neuman
- "What, Me Worry?"
- "Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!"
- "Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college
education, while on the outside some people can only afford these
things through a life of crime!"
- "In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!"
- "Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!"
- "If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!"
- "The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much
- "Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!"
- "How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but stealing from many
- "Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!"
- "Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like
- "A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"
- "How come we choose from just two people for President, and fifty for
- "Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"
- "You can be on the right track and still get hit by a train!"
- "Blood is thicker than water . . . but it makes lousy lemonade!
- "The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand
to be heard!"
- "A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended
when you pick your nose!"
- "It's a good idea to save your money. One day it might be worth
- "Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!"
- "Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective
long before they ever are?"
- "America is still a land of promise, especially during a political
- "When you're in deep water it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut!"
- "A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!"
- "A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make
you sore if it happened to you!"
- "Most people are too lazy to open the door when opportunity knocks!"
- "Most minds are like concrete . . . all mixed up and permanently set!"
- "Most people don't act stupid: it's the real thing!"
- "A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business
on the golf course!"
- "Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for and
politicians find out what people will fall for."
- "These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call
each other a liar."
- "You know the Honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and
your wife barks at you!"
- "Too often, people who want to offer sound advice give more sound than
- "Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to
- "Ever notice how random chance always picks you for Jury Duty, but not
to win the lottery?"
- "These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more
hoods than neighbors!"